OUTING EIGHT: AFC WIMBLEDON VS. GRIMSBY TOWN
A trip to Southwest London on a brisk Tuesday evening
I now feel more like a writer, which was one of my initial goals when I started this blog. I have reached this milestone because I am writing about football on back-to-back nights at a time when I should be dedicating more time to my dissertation (which covers football). There are some Real Writers who read my words and maybe they will tell me that the qualifications I have made up are totally baseless but I think if you write about something on two consecutive nights you are either a Very Good Student or a writer. Aspirations of being the former have fallen by the wayside in pursuit of the latter. Back to the topic at hand- AFC Wimbledon vs. Grimsby Town. Unfortunately for the 7,500 fans in attendance and the tens of you who read Covering Ground, the match itself does not warrant more than a sentence. In lieu of a match report, I am going to tell you the unique story of AFC Wimbledon and how they went from winning England’s biggest domestic cup to playing in League Two. I will also include some chants, some food descriptions, and coverage of the evening’s conversations. Don’t worry, those features aren’t going anywhere.
The History of AFC Wimbledon
The tale of Wimbledon’s football clubs touches on the fraught question of merit in a world of sports that looks to balance substantial foreign investments with intense local, emotional investment. In the case of this story, the powers that be failed to maintain that delicate balance.
Wimbledon FC was founded in south-west London in 1889. AFC Wimbledon was founded in south-west London in 2002. Though the names are not the same, fans of AFC Wimbledon will tell you the clubs are. Why? Let’s go back to 1988 when Wimbledon FC and their heavy metal playstyle met Liverpool in the FA Cup Final at Wembley. Led by Vinnie Jones, Wimbledon had already taken some massive scalps that year in the first division despite being a midtable side. The Dons, as they were known, were hell to play against. Bone-shattering tackles, little interest in retaining the ball, and a devout commitment to making opponents live through hell for 90 minutes. Liverpool may have won the league in 1988, but Wimbledon refused to let them lift the FA Cup at Wembley. Wimbledon had only joined the English footballing pyramid 11 years prior to the FA Cup, and their meteoric ascendancy drew the eye of many moneyed men, who wanted a piece of the sport’s profitable pie. In practice, Wimbledon was seen as the single man in line at a nightclub: taking up oxygen in the densely-populated footballing landscape of London. Ripe for a relocation.
Throughout the 90’s, ownership of Wimbledon FC changed hands and with it, their home base. For a period in the late 1990s, Wimbledon FC shared Selhurst Park with South London neighbors Crystal Palace. Amidst much chatter about a relocation further afield, remaining in the Premier League kept that threat at bay. For fans of the club, South London had been home for more than a century and the prospect of moving amounted to greedy wannabe owners fantasizing about opportunities for profit. That nightmare came to fruition in the early 2000s when Wimbledon dropped out of the top division and was relocated to Milton Keynes. Just north of London, the new ownership preserved Wimbledon FC’s brand assets for a few years before giving the club a makeover and renaming it MK Dons (taking the nickname Wimbledon fans had used for years). Back in South London, lifelong Wimbledon FC fans were irate, calling MK Dons a “franchise club” and launching into action with a plan to establish a new team. Thus, AFC Wimbledon was born in 2002 as a phoenix that rose from the ashes.
Just to clarify- there are 92 teams in the English footballing pyramid. Every single one of them has earned their spot through a combination of promotions and relegations. All but one. That one club is MK Dons- originally Wimbledon FC. They took a club and moved it elsewhere and now the two teams- MK Dons and AFC Wimbledon- play in the same division. One of the coolest stories in sports, if you ask me.
TLDR: Wimbledon FC got good quickly, the whole club was poached and relocated, fans hated it, and then set up a new club back in the original location. Then they played on Tuesday and I watched them.
The Match and The Guest of Honor
Though our hosts for the evening have a fascinating history, the match itself was far less engaging. I was due a 0-0 snoozefest after being spoiled with goals at Arsenal, QPR, and Leyton Orient matches but I was hoping to avoid it for a little longer. Alas, I was treated to one of the most tactically and technically underwhelming matches I have ever watched and it did indeed finish 0-0. I attended the match with Alex, who previously featured for Outing One in Reading. There has been a grand total of one (1) goal in the matches Alex and I have attended, and given that we are going to Arsenal’s Round of 16 matchup with Porto on Tuesday together, we will need to see more goals ASAP. If it doesn’t, Arsenal’s European campaign would likely be over. Anyway, Alex and I met up for a bite beforehand and we have a new pre-match meal champion! We found a Jamaican restaurant called Dub Pan in Broadway Market and it was head and shoulders than the grub I am accustomed to enduring before football matches. The power rankings are cloudy after Spot No. 1 but I assure you that the oxtail & jerk chicken duo beats the Mystery Onion Crunch at the Emirates. More details on the food will be coming shortly.
The Evening’s Details
Things We Discussed
Things We Drank
One Red Stripe
One Camden Pale Ale
One bottle of water
Things We Ate
Oxtail Stew with Rice & Peas
Jerk Chicken with Chili Jam, Rice & Peas
Mac & Cheese
Fish Fritters
Things The Fans Sang
“Wombles chant”
Thank you Alex for introducing me to this ludicrous set of lyrics.
“We drink Campari we drive Ferraris”
“You've got bus stops second-hand shops and your mum's in readers’ wives”
“We’re the black and white army”
Bringing back a classic tune that has been heard at *checks notes* every match I have attended but with new colors!
“FISH”
The mascot of Grimsby Town is a fish. This is probably one of my three favorite chants I have come across so far. It was accompanied by a fan in the away end waving around a massive inflatable fish that they brought with them on the four hour journey.
“What town are we? Old town are we”
“We are the town”
“Oh when the town goes swimming in”
Grimsby Town are very, very proud of having “town” attached to their name, let alone for how old that town is.
“Pedo”
Sung with varying lengths of the “-o” syllable
“She said no, Harry- she said no”
“You’re a knob Harry, you’re a knob”
Football fans often integrate accusations of sexual assault and wrongdoing into their chants. The tune for this and the above chant can be found by searching those exact words, but here is a reference video that also slanders Robin van Persie
“We’re all from Grimsby, who the fuck are you?”
Such a remarkably funny thing to chant as an away fan. A song that epitomizes football fans: completely disinterested in critical thinking and fully immersed in their own world.
“We love you, ball boy, we do, oh ball boy we love you
This was a new one- never heard fans singing for a ball boy before, so this was a nice (?) touch. The uncertainty comes from being wary of match-going fans- you never know if kindness is a crude joke in disguise with these characters.
Things The Uni Students Next To Us Shouted At Grimsby Town Players
Justin, you’re taller than anybody I’ve ever seen
Harry, I like your hair
Liam, you do not need that bib it is not that cold
Harvey, you look like the guy who fell in love with my sister after the second date you should stop calling her
The Three Good Players On The Pitch
Donovan Wilson
Striker on Grimsby Town. No clear relation to Newcastle striker to Callum Wilson but a solid target 9 with decent hold-up play and a willingness to run in the channel
James Tilley
Attacking midfielder on AFC Wimbledon who was the only player on the pitch willing to take risks with his passing. Didn’t have a stellar showing by any means but displayed some good vision in his distribution and was able to find runners in-behind on a couple of occasions
Harvey Cartwright
Goalkeeper for Grimsby Town who was the best player on the pitch. Made six saves, looked comfortable at all times, and was impressive in the air. Claimed crosses with ease, dominated his box on set pieces, and showed almost no uncertainty in his decision-making. Standout showing from one of the youngest players on the pitch.
Thank you, AFC Wimbledon.